Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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