used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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