you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
