Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
