dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
