He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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