I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Panties = found
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
