Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
