I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
