I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
