I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
