I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
