he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
