Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
