Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
