i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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