i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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