oh god the rape fog is back!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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