Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
