we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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