i wish my penis had a tongue
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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