she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
