Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
