Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
