If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize