also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
