I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
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