apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
