Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
