so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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