We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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