So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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