dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
