So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
