I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
