The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
