you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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