what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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