Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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