I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
