I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
