I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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