I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
