he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
