Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
