Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
