there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Shame - the story of my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
