Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
