you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize