Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
