You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Enjoy the penises
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
