i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
