you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
