why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Be still, my beating vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
