Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
