never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
