I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
