Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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