My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
