then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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