His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
