I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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