So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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