Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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