so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
