I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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