We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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