i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
