just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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