once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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