So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
