did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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