Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
