I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
