i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
