Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Randomize
