I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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