Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
