this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
