Walk of Shame. In a state park.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
