Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
